At the foot of Dunnuck Fell, Ayrshire, you'll find a contemporary exhibition that provides a visual laxative so powerful that you may just shit your eyes out. But first, a little bit of history for your skull:

It was at Dunnuck Fell that, in 988AD, a monk named Lucius Pantone discovered the first pure colour. As the legend goes, he stumbled upon the 'Pantone' number for pure white, #FFFFFF, whilst greedily licking spring water from a crack in a hillside.

Since this momentous event, the Monks of Dunnuck have been the heart of the Pantone industry, excavating, cataloguing and exporting the world's most notorious range of colours, all found leaking naturally from mossy fell-rocks. More recently, the Monks of Dunnuck encountered stiff competition from the Nuns of Dulux, who hail from the neighbouring valley.

Geologists' analysis of Dunnuck Fell come close to explaining how the rocks came to emit such colourful excretions: the region enjoys a continental micro-climate where the air is so refined and mild that pure colour, unavailable elsewhere in Europe, is able to thrive. The climactic properties are such a boon for colour that even rainbows have been known to enjoy the liberal atmosphere, congregating and seeking refuge in and around the Abbey.*

This colourful history (smirk, pun, smirk) is being heavily exploited by Gordon Thermalfire, a locally-grown artist, whose monochrome photographs fail to do justice to anything mentioned so far in this article. However, Thermalfire has also produced a wonderful display, mounted on foamboard, which explores the Fell's rich catalogue of events. The artist opens his heart, and studio to welllooking onwishers from the 25th onwards.

Get up to Ayrshire to see this or you won't be able to sleep with yourself at night.

*Rainbows, which have been outlawed and hunted by the Catholic Church for over 8 millennia, have recently been granted asylum by the Monks of Dunnuck, thus creating a huge schism in the Church. This aforementioned schism (see previous sentence) is only heightened by the Dulux Nuns' attempts to lasso the rainbows for harvestry and slavery.